Rate 1-0! Tell whats good and bad! 1st chp. I might post the 2nd becasue its better.?

“CUT!” Jason, the director cried.





15 year old Lily Evans and her two co-stars, Lila Trace and Dan Borski, sighed.





When Lily had got the main role in the new movie, Lookout, seven months ago, she would have never have dreamed it would be this hard. If she did no more than blink at the wrong time, this was no doubt that Jason would notice and make them start over.





“Guys,” Jason said in a disappointed tone, “When people buy tickets to see my movie, they are expecting it seem real, not like a bunch of kids acting it out poorly. Start from the top, and please make it good this time.





Lily, Dan and Lila exchanged a three-way eye roll before starting the scene over….again.





“Aaaaaaand ACTION!”





“Marie, I’m sorry.” Dan acted. “Just listen to me-“





“No!” Lily screamed, forcing tears down her cheeks. “You have no idea how much you hurt me! Just- Just leave me alone.”





She waited for the end of Lila’s line, for that was her cue to walk off set, but it never came.





“Mike,” she started, pretending to tell off Dan “You are such a-“





Lila broke into a fit of giggles.





“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she apologized to Jason, trying not to laugh, “It’s just-“





Making it even worse, Lily and Dan started cracking up because of Lila’s sudden burst of giggles and the raged look on Jason’s face.





“ENOUGH!” Jason screamed over the laughter, “Everyone take 5.”





Jason looked at the three stars still laughing uncontrollably and rephrased his statement.





“Make that 10.” He sighed cradling his head in his hands.





Wiping there eyes, Lily, Dan, and Lila walk over to the food cart.





“That was so funny.” Lily giggled, grabbing a handful of skittles. “Did you see Jason’s face?”





“I know,” Lila laughed back. “He has absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever.”





“But that’s why it’s so fun to get him mad,” Dan agreed, taking a swig of Dr. Pepper, “Remember that time when we put a whoopee cushion on his director’s chair?”





Lily laughed at the memory.





“Yeah, he was so mad, his face was priceless.” Lila smiled, “Good thing he never realized it was us.”





“Just think about what he’d do if he did find out,” Lily Pondered.





The three shuddered at the thought.





“Hey,” Dan said to Lily and Lila, “Lets go somewhere after work.”





“Yeah like…Chili’s or something?” Lila suggested.





“If we survived,” Lily rolled her eyes, as Jason yelled for them to get on set.





Dan smiled.





She looked into his baby blue eyes. Every time Lily did she found a scene of two people together. The girl had curly red and bright green eyes as Lily did. Like Dan, the tall boy had jet black hair and blue eyes. This time, the girl was being given a piggyback by the boy, in a calm and serene field of flowers. The girl was laughing as she was put down by the boy. She seemed so carefree, happy and safe as the boy put his hands with hers. He tucked her hair behind her ear. There lips meet. Lily smiled.





“Uh, Lily?” Dan laughed as he waved his hands in front of her face, “Are you there?”





She was suddenly thrown out of the field of flowers and into the studio.





“Oh sorry, just thinking,” Lily’s face grew hot as she twisted her ____ ring as an excuse not to look up. How long had she been standing there with that blank, goofy grin on her face? That was what the problem about staring at Dan’s eyes. They filled her with a warm feeling as she did, but after, she ended up feeling like an idiot. But they were so tempting to look at…





“Wrong. You where doing something, but you defiantly weren’t thinking.” he said imitating her face, putting on a dumb grin, and Lila laughed.





She winced. Had she really looked that stupid?





“Shut up.” Lily said half annoyed-half amused. Dan had a way with words. As a result, things that he did or said wouldn’t have been as funny if someone else had.





“Anyway,” he said changing subjects, “Guys, meet me at my car at around 6. Don’t worry you’ll have plenty of time to do you hair, Lila,” he added.





Lily laughed, because everyone who knew Lila, knew she took forever to do her hair. For Lily, it took about 5 minutes and Lila didn’t know how she did it.





“But I don’t understand how it looks so good! You don’t do anything with it!” she always said after they got out of the dressing room after work.





“Well anyway,” Dan said, “Let’s get going, before Jason kills us.”





“One sec,” Lila said, “You go. I need to ask Lily something.”





Once Dan was out of sight, Lila said in a sing-song voice, “Looks like someone has a crush on Dan Borski!”





“I do not!” Lily lied, hoping she sound convincing, “He’s just a friend. You know that.”





“Okaaaayy” Lila said once again in her sing-song voice, obviously not believing her.





They walked over to the set, and Lily couldn’t help but to think of her conversation with Lila.











“Looks like someone has a crush on Dan Borski!”





“I do not!”











But that wasn’t the truth. Not even close.

Rate 1-0! Tell whats good and bad! 1st chp. I might post the 2nd becasue its better.?
It needs a lot of work. First off, There means over there. Their is the word you want when you are using the possessive. You need a lot of work with sentence structure, punctuation, spelling et al. I give this about a 4. Add 1 or 2 if you fix it up. Pax - C
Reply:i like it it%26#039;s bout an 8 but only suggestion is that u change either lily or lila name cuz there too close and it might confuse readers



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